I just had my first cell biology test two days ago... and I got a low B. I felt very confident going in, and even after it was done. I felt I had gotten an A. Instead, I got a low B. I was very disappointed, especially because I thought I had done so well.
The bad grade really gets me down because I have it in my head that I need to get all A's from here on out. And that's probably true to off set my poor undergraduate GPA.
So, I start to wonder if medical school is right for me? I think I would be a good doctor, but I don't think I would do all that great in medical school. I feel pretty stupid right now. Like I can't remember things very well and that when I think I have an understanding, I really don't.
Part of me wants to throw in the towel and enjoy my son and forget about over thinking the future. The other part of me realizes that I could just be frustrated and letting anxiety get the better of me. The times in my past that I've given up are the times I've regretted most. I would like to think that if I give up the dream of medical school, I have something better to take its place.
My other big dream is to run my own internet business. The reading I've done about starting an internet business leads me to believe it wouldn't be any easier in the beginning, but would lead to bigger payout of more free time and money in the future. Medical school is more structured whereas running my own business could lead to failure more easily.
Part of me really wants to have an MD or a PhD, just to have the title of doctor. It seems both silly and highly desirable at the same time.
So, to sum up, I feel really confused... again... I'm not really sure where I'm headed at the moment. If I can muster the determination, I will try to get an A in Cell Biology. Or, I will get an A in Cell Biology. "Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda.
